What I learned being off Instagram for 1 Year

I learned that... People pleasing has become a major problem, not just in my own life but in so many people’s lives around me. I found that I made myself, my latest ideas or projects and opinions “small” - down playing it’s importance and my excitement - when people of higher stature or someone I look up to entered the room. Why do we do that? Why don’t I just stand confident and firm when I share my latest idea, project, goal or thoughts? We let people have too much power over us keeping us from having any power. I chose to consciously become aware of this pattern in my own life and to actively start cutting out this bad habit - confidently and firmly speaking, no matter who enters the room. I try to speak my truth and excitement all the time. My ego is busy learning how to cope with this new way of living, he’s not a fan. I read this quote which I think is suited for the subject: “a bad day for the ego, is a great day for the soul.”

I learned that... I have more time to be present and in the moment. I use to think about what caption will best fit a photo I just took (this photo already representing the past) when I was doing something exciting or interesting... but this took me out of the present moment with friends, family or new connections. I became much more present and mindful. A scary story: but a friend of mine came face to face with death and his battle had a huge impact on my life - you only have your memories and the people who love you by your side when you end up facing your mortality. All those other material things cannot go with you into that internal battle. I’m sure those material things won’t be the “things” that will help you fight for your life. But your special memories and the people who love you will create that fight within you. That’s all we have. So, to get back to what I learned: be present with family and friends and fully be mindful of special experiences which creates special and legendary memories. I replaced my “vinnige selfie” with mental screenshots.

I learned that... I’m still here. In my career it’s seen as a “Must-Have” tool to generate work and being “seen” or “wanted” by audiences or possible collaborators. The contradiction is, I worked more during this year than ever before, which I am super grateful for. This does not come out of a place of vanity but out of a place to disprove a belief we as artists or entertainers have been sold - a fake and selfish belief by those driven by money and wealth - “your following is what generates work.” Having to take time away from my loved ones and friends, not being 100% present with them, “thinking about what the next story or epic caption could be” while they share beautiful thoughts or ideas or vulnerabilities or stories with me, took special moments away from the time we shared together. Hopefully my talent can speak for itself and that my social media following or online “presence” won’t be a deciding factor when it comes to getting the job or not.

I learned that... You “see” better. I actually started truly seeing things; people, interesting interactions between strangers or family, beautiful colors in nature and daily routines, life threatening situations, life changing opportunities and more. I started seeing things in the moment, the way life is designed - moment by moment - and it was way better as when I was on Instagram. This sounds a bit excessive but even if it was just 5-10min a day I lost, it was already too much. I try to be more intentional and mindful with what is happening around me.

I learned that... I used to post on Instagram mostly out of a place of vanity. “Look what I am shooting now... Look how busy I am... Look how funny I am... Look how nice this new glasses looks on me... What do you think about this selfie of me...” Me...me...me. Well, this is a personal profile, ofcourse it should be about me. But somewhere I think the lines get blurred between vanity and transparency. Posting a pic with you and your loved one on a beautiful beach in Thailand, truly being grateful and transparent about why you post it - not looking for validation from other people but pure joy to share - is much different than posting a selfie at home while waiting for your kale chips to bake in the oven looking for validation from others. This is something that is a constant battle for me - looking for validation. Tsjek Ego!

I learned that... I got WAY MORE DONE. Execution. Execution. Execution. I finished projects I’ve always wanted. I read books I’ve always said I will. I went on weekend away missions I never could. I started getting better at saying “No” to things. I starting finding time to work out consistently, eating healthy and doing research on nutrition, biohacking and longevity. The things I am truly curious about. But I only got to know these things about myself when I allowed more time to myself. I got things done. Much more than I used to. This was a biggy for me.

I learned that... I thought deeper about everyday life. Now, I would sit in a restaurant, waiting for my friend to join me... she’s a few minutes late... what’s the first thing I use to do? Take out my phone and scroll on Instagram. But during this social media “fast/break” I had to sit and think. Some of my best ideas suddenly popped into my head. I got to solutions to many of my everyday problems much faster. I thought deeper about family as I was looking at the table across from me having dinner - a family so loving and full of joy and laughter - and I could see them just “being” with each other. No cellphones, no ipads, no devices. I thought about how a coffee shop was decorated and saw how colors complimented each other, I picked up great playlists as I heard the background music in a coffee shop and asked the waiter to hook a brother up. Thinking deeper about things and life doesn’t make you deep or depressed or too serious - it cultivates more meaning and gratitude and joy.

I learned that... people became so disconnected. People become fidgety or weird when you, thinking it’s normal, start having a “deep” conversation about vulnerabilities or prevouis life mistakes or honest discoveries about life, religion or philosophy... then I will get a “Jissie ou, moenie so ernstig raak nie. Chill ‘n bietjie.” Thinking... Oh, I thought this was normal... clearly not. Having these “deep” conversations became normal and whimsical and light and playful to me, I found it fun and exciting and inspiring. It created better connections with loved ones and strangers.

I learned that... I now actually, truly ask my friends what they did over the weekend or holiday. How crazy? We’ve become so used to thinking everyone know what I did, where I’ve been and what I ate... but now I was forced to truly ask my friends and family about their holiday - experiencing their joy as they started telling me about it. This generated true conversation, not a mutual acceptance that we know what each other did, starting a conversation with, “So you know when I was in Knysna and I did that funny voice...? Uhm, no... when were you in Knysna? What funny voice?” We now had to go into details and he obviously had to do that funny voice again, which is embarrassing but created an instant special memory and connection. We connected through a face tot face story not a flashback version of it.

I learned that... Money is not just found and generated on Instagram or social media. It’s all around us. It’s in the doing, in taking physical action, in the execution and in the transparent business connections. Ofcourse there is major business opportunities on social media, but some of the biggest opportunities I found was by being present, following curiosity and intuition and trying to find solutions to problems. By executing. Taking action. Taking time to post something on the ‘gram may take away time to execute that epic life changing project you’ve always wanted to execute. I try to change the order these days - first execute it then share the failure, success or process.

And lastly I learned that... Theres a contradiction to Instagram and social media in general: What a powerful platform that I want to be apart of. I realized, when used transparently, honestly, truthfully and authentically, Instagram or social media can most definitely change lives; it connects people via a device which can generate true friendships and relationships IF we put our device in our pockets as soon as we meet up or spend time together. Instagram mainly inspires me when I see something someone posted that is meaningful, intentional, transparent or funny, a post that guides me to execute (insert your latest goal/idea/project - healthy diet, workout routine, business opportunity, desired characater trait, shooting that shortfilm, writing that new song, starting music lessons, learning to code or to speak french, taking that online course). This is one extraordinary piece of technology if used responsibly and intentionally and I am grateful to be living in a world where this a tool like this available to us. The question I struggled with was: does it have a negative or positive impact on my daily life? Does it control me or can I be in control of it?

I had to take time off of social media because I became to aware of a massive bad trait = people’s pleasing; fighting with myself and others about what my social media profiles should look and be like. So, one of the best decisions I’ve made in the last year was to take a year off Instagram.

This is kind off a comeback after I made a deal with myself from the moment I took the “fast/break” which was - If I can answer two questions before I post something on Instagram 1) Why do I have to post this now? 2) Does this add value to anyone who will see this? Only then will I go back on social media... which is today.

I will be active, not posting things ‘other people’ want to see but things I want to share with you, things that can hopefully make you laugh, bring you joy, inspire you and add value in some small or big way. I don’t see myself as a writer, influencer, motivational speaker or blogger on social

media but as a tribe member like all of us, on this journey exploring this extraordinary creation and the dance within it. I guess like most new adventures, you kind of go in with a clear idea and then... life. So, I will explore, experiment and play, but I will always be posting something that I can answer these two questions to - I know Why I am posting this now and I believe this can add value to someone out there.

Why now? I wanted start 2020 off with transparency and courage. Does it add value? Well, I will recommend a “fast/break” from social media any day! Start small; 1 day social media free... then a week free... Maybe a month. See what it does for you. Share your findings. I truly believe there is a lot of value you can add to your daily life.

P.S this photo was taken a few days ago having one of the best holidays in long time in the most beautiful Eastern Cape. We laughed and I am grateful.

Let’s dropkick 2020 in sy tjoefels!

Lekker maryna!!!